Some weeks are just a little better than others. This was not one of those weeks.
There's a song by Sleeping at Last called Son that I love. The words to that song have been playing over in my head all week. At one part it says "show me how struggle gracefully". Also because this week has been kind of a difficult one those words have meant even more to me. I hear the words in my head and I feel like they were written for the situation I'm in write know. There is beauty in the midst of all of this hardness. Mom will put the words to that song on my blog and also listen to it for me. Thank you. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlDejzC3Tr4)
show me who i am and who i could be.
initiate the heart within me
until it opens properly.
slow down, start again from the beginning.
i can’t keep my head from spinning out of control.
is this what being vulnerable feels like?
i swear i'll try, try, try to breathe
’til it turns to muscle memory.
i'm only steady on my knees;
one day i'll stand up on my own two feet.
i’ll run the risk
of being intimate with brokenness.
through this magnifying glass,
i see a thousand finger prints
on the surfaces of who i am.
show me where to find the silver lining
as the mercury keeps rising,
’til the glass or my fever breaks.
show me how to struggle gracefully.
let the scaffolding inside of me be strong enough
to hold this tired body up once more.
and i will try, try, try to breathe
’til it turns to muscle memory.
i feel the pressure in my blood
building up and liberating me.
so i will try, try, try to breathe
’til it turns to muscle memory.
i'm only steady on my knees.
but one day, i'll stand on my own two feet.
i'll run the risk
of being intimate with brokenness.
through this magnifying glass,
i see a thousand finger prints
that ran the risk
of being intimate with my brokenness.
i was given a gift of hope
in a thousand finger prints
on the surface of who i am.
The work is slow right now it hurts me because we are trying so hard. Literally morning till night. Sometimes when we talk to people they say "Oh, are you guys mormongau?" mormongaau is a terrible translation the church used to use and it almost sounds like "devil's gate church" and so people have some pretty messed up ideas of us. It's pretty awkward to say uhh yeah thats us...but we're not evil? " Once I said Do these faces look evil to you? and the man refused to answer. You gotta have a pretty strong sense of self here.
This is our friend Pheonix and her son. Pheonix is a former investigator. The Chans are the senior missionaries who found her. Because they are leaving at the end of this month they took us all out to dinner together and Brother Chan drew these cool pictures of the temple for us.
ll my whole life you always talked so much about Grace. Grace, grace, grace, haha you and Dad said that word more than anyone on the planet I think. :) And on Wednesday somehow your prayers managed to once again send me grace, and this time a real life Grace. The other week I was on exchanges with Sister Hansen finding in our area. We this adorable girl whose name is...Grace! We spoke with her in English because she is from Mainland China so her main language is mandarine. Her cantonese is good but she likes English best. We invited her to come to English class and that night she sent us a text thanking us for inviting her and that she would be there. So last week she came to English class and afterwards met with the mandarine speaking sisters for a lesson. Then earlier last week she sent Sister Ng and I a text that said she would prefer to meet with missionaries who speak cantonese and english and not mandarin. Sister Ng and I just looked at each other in silence because on one hand we felt so happy and hopeful that Grace wanted to meet with us (and when you have no investigators that's quite a beautiful thing) and that maybe we could teach her. We ended up talking with President and deciding that it would be the best thing for Grace to hear the missionary lessons in her native language, mandarin, but that if she wanted to meet with us sometimes to practice English that it would be okay. That was tough. But anyways we ended up meeting with Grace on Wednesday (Mom's favorite Day of Atonement :)). During that lesson we talked to Grace about Jesus and discovered that she has the purest heart I've ever met. She has such a strong desire to learn about Christ. At the end of the little lesson we invited Grace to say her first prayer. She looked a little nervous and asked us "so will I see him or will I just feel him in my heart?" It was the sweetest thing. We told her that she would just feel him in her heart and she quickly nodded and said "oh, okay." Then she said her prayer. Oh Mom, it was the sweetest prayer in the whole world. I swear more precious words have never been said. She closed her eyes and said, "Dear Heavenly Father. I'm Grace. I am very homesick right now. I feel lonely. I want to feel you. Please come to me. Amen." When the three of us opened our eyes we all had tears and I wanted to hug Grace for eight years. Then on Friday she came again to English class and asked if we could meet again on Saturday with her to review what she had been taught that day in mandain in English. When we saw her on Saturday she was practically skipping. She told us that she was having the "happiest day since coming to Hong Kong." When we asked her why she replied that she had prayed the night before to ask Heavenly Father to help her and immediately after she was filled with joy and peace. She is such a beautiful girl. She's here in Hong Kong going to college. I can't even describe how angelic she is. It makes me so happy that she has been able to feel how Heavenly Father really will come to her. He won't leave her alone. I wish that we could be Grace's missionaries. It's pretty sad for Sister Ng and I that we can't be the ones to teach her. Really heart breaking if we're being honest. But I feel so very blessed to get to know her and see her sweet spirit grow.
Thank you for your love and prayers. I feel them every day. Please pray for my Hong Kong to feel a tug for the need of Jesus in their lives.
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